Been a while

I had a client terminate recently and all she had to say after 2 years of service was "it was nice to meet you"!!!! WTF??? So weird. Never work harder than the client right?!
On another note, I feel the rich darkness of depression waving over me and it is difficult to resist. It sometimes feels so nice to lay and watch tv all day...but when the sun goes down the guilt of what I didn't get done that day seeps in and I feel like vomiting.

Sex and the City

Watching Sex and the City and feeling flooded with the need to write. I don't know if it is the click of the keys as Carrie writes or the brilliant dialogue. I also felt the need to connect with someone and since I don't have someone I decided to write. Seeing all those women be such great friends....makes me sad. I want that. I also like to watch Carrie hook up with new guys because it reminds me of how fun it is to have that new exciting feeling with someone and of course there is the first kiss which is priceless.
I love the mannerisms....but soon realize they all revolve around being thin. But you know what...he moves out next weekend and my new life can begin. Yes, I will miss him sooo much...but to have the house, and especially the t.v. to my self will be awesome because then I can exercise whenever I want. While I was just writing that I had this quick tinge of what it will be like without him; I felt extremely lonely for a split second. It was like a preview into my future emotions.
Back to the show, the other thing it revovles around is money. Everything is so easy and it flows. (duh girlfriend, its a fucking t.v. show)

Feeling good today

Ok so I spent some time starting up a Yahoo Group for the ladies....I want to have a place where I can go and electronically cry about my most recent loss in the battle against my buldge! I want other women to have a place for this also...and to hear their stories and share mine. It feels so good to write all this and get it off my chest. I thought I would be ok with no one reading it and commenting and all that jazz....but now I am feeling like I want to find a way to start a blog that people would be interested in. I have been thinking a lot lately about writing and I am wanting so bad to have skills in that area. I used to when I was younger...but I feel now that those skills have evaporated. How does one practice such a skill? Maybe I should do some research and see if there is anything out there to help me in this area. Or is it simply practice makes....well better (no one is perfect I was always taught).

more random shit

Sometimes I type just because I like the way the keys feel under my fingertips...as well as the the way they sound as the click quickly...like an odd sort of orchestra that plays the tunes of my mind. Wow, that was either really deep, or really lame. I guess it's all in the eye of the beholder...there I go again. Perception is interesting, sometimes what I have to say is not. But damn those keys feel good under my fingertips...and that is real...not just deep shit.

It's not real

I watch these movies...some which make me cry, some which motivate me with the idea that what happens on screen is a possibility for real life. And although some of it may be....there is a smoothness that occurs in movies that doesn't happen in real life.

Resentment

I spent six years of my life.....wasting away.....wasting my time.....wasting my elligeable eggs....wasting my youth. I did it though. As much as I want to hate him and be mad at him and resent him for this fact....it was me who stuck around. It was me who didn't leave. It was me who wasted six f*@&ing years.